40 Day Blessing

In Kundalini Yoga humanology it is said that in the first 3 days of a baby´s life, he or she learns love and in the first 40 days, a sense of belonging. To this mother, this father, this family and this Earth.

The sacred time and space of the first 40 days after birth is called the 40 Day Blessing.

So what does that mean? How does it look?

Rest!

Firstly, it looks like you, the new mother, doing a lot of nothing. As a new mother, your one main task is to look after your baby. The more you can rest in these first weeks, the better. There might be the temptation to jump up and do, and not suggesting you confine yourself to the bed if you don’t want to, but remember that you have been through a marathon and whatever deep energy and restoration you can gather now will serve you well later. So sleep as much as you can, when you can. And just generally take it very easy. There is SO much going in inside you and with the baby that even when resting, you’re never really doing nothing.

Resting, in the ideal case, means not doing household tasks. It also means having nourishing meals cooked and served to you. Does this sound like an impossible fantasy!? How could anyone do that?

Enter the Sevadar

Seva means selfless service and sevadar means one who selflessly serves. In the Kundalini humanology teachings with their roots in Indian Ayurveda, the woman in the 40 day blessing time has a sevadar (or several over the time). This is a woman who is there just to care for the new mother. She cooks for her and takes care of the household, including other children. Sound incredible? It is! And, while this is admittedly very challenging to achieve in our society, it is actually possible. (You can read my story of how I managed this HERE.) And approximating it is definitely possible. Some ideas are: your mother or mother-in-law (with whom you have good relationships!) may come and stay with you or, maybe, better, stay nearby so that they can come to you each day but have their own space. You could engage a post-natal doula service. If you’re in Australia, here’s a directory. You can organise (or better, ask a friend or community member to do it) a meals roster. The online rosters on Meal Train are great and you can include household tasks like vacuuming, washing, cleaning etc on the roster too. You may even know someone who would simply like to do this service for you. You might pay them a small amount too.

Nourishing Meals

In the Kundalini Yoga tradition we have special recipes for the postpartum time. A few examples: roasted almonds in ghee to help the womb contract back into shape. Spiced Yogi Tea to nourish the nerves and build the blood. Nepali rice pudding. Nursing Milk (recipe on its way!). Being served these foods nourishes much more than just the body. To be a mother you have to be receiving some form of mothering from somewhere else.

Nourishment for the Soul: Mantra and Meditation

Playing mantra music at home is a beautiful, simple way of soothing and uplifting you and raising the vibration of your environment. Whatever your baby hears and feels in this time, whatever messages are being given, imprint on a deep level. In Kundalini teachings this time period is also sometimes called the 40 Day Meditation. It’s like a meditation retreat time. Meditating is incredibly helpful in this time too, calming your mind, bringing you in touch with deeper feelings that want to be felt, bringing relief and a greater sense of presence in the here and now - and where else would you want to be! Becoming a mother is amazing, and also incredibly challenging at times. ALOT is asked of you, and you bump against your own limits and old stored emotions. It’s part of the journey! And an opportunity for healing. Meditation can really help. There’s many different styles of meditation. I’ll be adding some lovely Kundalini meditations to my blog in the coming weeks.

An open ear & and empathetic heart

Having someone you can share about your experience with openly and honestly, knowing they won’t rush in to try to “fix” you, pity you, turn away from you or offer unsolicited advice is gold in this time. Someone who can just be with you, really hear you, witness you.. even give you a massage, some caring touch .. offer suggestions only when asked while encouraging you to tune into your own instincts and intuition as a budding mother is worth their weight in gold in general, but especially in these intense weeks.

The dance of hormones in your partner relationship

The hormones that come into play in the journey of becoming parents are unbelievably powerful! They affect the way we feel, think and act in undeniable ways. In this postnatal time, you as a new mother are awash with oxytocin, hormone of love and bonding. This hormone also makes you slower, softer, more patient: necessary for what is asked of you right now. The father, or the partner, on the other hand, is naturally moved into the polarity of this, with heightened testosterone levels. They feel protective of the mother and child. Protector and provider modes are activated.

The teachings of Kundalini Yoga see the partner as the aura of the family in these weeks. The aura’s job is to filter and keep the space. This could mean, in practical terms, that he greets visitors at the door and lets them know if it’s a good time to visit or not. He is the guardian of the threshold. He interacts with the outside world in order to keep the inner sanctum safe.

Visitors

The above point links in to this point. In the traditional way, visitors are kept to a minimum in this time. But follow your feeling and receive whoever you feel to. Do ask yourself what kind of visits are nourishing rather than draining. This can be a liberating time of abandoning old “shoulds” that actually, truthfully, don’t serve you or your family. I delivered some rice pudding to a beautiful doula I know when she had her third baby and loved the note she had on her door - one which she created with the help of her own doula. It ran along the lines of “Welcome to Baby (name), born on xxx date. Mother and baby are doing well. We appreciate any offers of food, help in the house with washing, cleaning or lifts to and from school for the other children. Otherwise, see you after xxx date.” The note was covered in smiles and love-hearts but delivered a very clear message. Just goes to show, clear messages can effectively be delivered with a smile!

Reentry into the Community

Traditionally, after the first 40 days it is time to gather community, friends and family and introduce them to the new baby. It’s like a reentry of the mother into society, changed, new, with her child. Knowing this opportunity is coming can also help some friends and relatives be at peace with you and your little family being only on the receiving end of help for these past weeks, or unavailable. Such simple rituals, which involve the community around you, can bring so much value and connection for everyone.

A little warning …

As with everything I share with you, what I don’t intend is that you take the above as the bar and then compare yourself to it. The combo of “I would die for you” love that motherhood brings mixed with our own bad habit of comparing ourselves unfavourably with others and with ideals, plus the sour taste of guilt for not doing things “perfectly” can lead to some very unhelpful states!

… and some encouragement

At the same time, this is not a reason not to share. Rather, I hope it might serve to move some inner knowing and deeper wish in you, that it might inspire you to do what you can in your own way.

Read about my 40 day experience with my third child HERE.